A binding letter of agreement between THE HOMEOWNER (henceforth: “HOMEOWNER”) and THE ELF OF THE SHELF (henceforth: “ELF”)
I, HOMEOWNER, pledge the following:
To dutifully dig you out of the box every year if not on the exact day after Thanksgiving, within a reasonable amount of time thereafter.
To give you a cutesy, elf-appropriate name and to entertain, but not be bound by, your suggestions on this matter.
To read your accompanying book to my children without irony or eye-rolling so they are appropriately informed about your role in their lives and suitably enchanted and impressed by your so-called connection to Santa.
To do my best to make sure you remain out of reach of all household pets.
Not to pose you in an embarrassing/demeaning/inappropriate manner (the terms “embarrassing” “demeaning” and “inappropriate” to be defined by mutual agreement of the parties in an addendum to this letter).
To take you to the stupid Elf Hospital if, despite my best efforts, someone ends up touching you.
You, ELF, pledge the following:
To stay where I have placed you and absolutely, under no circumstances, sneak up on me (or any member of this household) while we are
Not to look at me in that creepy way (you are here to keep an eye on the kids. The KIDS. Not me.)