icon-no-judgement

The Parent’s Resume

15232896559_3ec4427e1e_k

Whether we work outside the home or stay at home, parenting uses every ounce of physical, emotional and verbal skill we possess. The job is huge.

So if we were hypothetically applying for a parenting job, our resumes would look something like this:

PARENT’S RESUME

Seeking financially non-compensated, indefinite position that is challenging yet highly rewarding

BACKGROUND

 I always strive to do my best, fail miserably at times, but my persistence is admirable (there’s really no other choice). I may not have the solution for everything, but I’m willing to buy a book on “How to Be a Better Parent Because You Suck At It Right Now” or … continue to wing it and make it up as I go.

EXPERIENCE

(1) CEO of Leadership 2007 (Birth of 1st child) – current

Create multitude of charts that aid in the encouragement of positive behavior. Possess the ability to eagerly advocate the acquisition of rewards in the form of measurable tangibles such as stickers, marbles and small trinkets.

Delegate responsibilities according to age while accepting the fact that the success will be dependent on uncontrollable biological variables such as: lack of sleep, picky eating, and unpredictable mood swings (in both child and parent).

Encourage the development of speech within tolerable human-pitch range; try to extinguish negative vocalizations, aka “whining.” Attempt to model positive parental speech while suppressing audibly increased expression, aka “shouting.”

Ability to form a leadership style that aims to be consistent but can be malleable, ranging from militancy to the experimental I- don’t-know-what-the-hell-to-do to laissez-faire.

Facilitate offspring’s self-awareness and self-governance with the goal of creating full-fledged independence by the Time of Launch to college.

(2) CFO of Housekeeping 2007 – forever (help!)

Culinary skills include the ability to disguise/repackage leftovers that appeals to a variety of discerning tastebuds.

Able to keep extensive mental shopping list of what food/cleaning products/children’s clothing are in the home and what will require restocking soon. This photographic-like ability extends to keeping track of extracurricular activities, party invitations and birthday/holiday gift giving.

Participate in miscellaneous but essential roles such as Chauffeur, Assistant to activities of daily living (ADLs), frequent BAND-AID Applier, tummy Tickler, bedroom-monster Eradicator, Locator of shoes and random Lego pieces, and most importantly, Referee.

EDUCATION

N/A. There is no amount of teaching that prepares you for parenting.

SKILLS

Keen olfactory sense which helps to detect ammonia (pee) scented clothing/bed sheets strewn on floor

Ability to discern which battles are worth fighting.

Have developed an adult-to-adult non-verbal communication style with spouse that involves a multitude of facial expressions and discrete texts in setting of children with sharp ears.

Sense of humor

REFERENCES

(1) My 4 year old*

(2) My 8 year old*

* You may contact both upon them turning 18

Eli Shola enjoys trying to “have it all” by being a mother to two energetic kids, a physician, a newbie blogger and a musician working on her first solo album.

Photo: Daria Nepriakhina

Leave a Comment

Comments (3)

  1. MOM2Three

    This is so funny, and very familiar, especially the roles we take on and the photographic memory list-keeping ability. So many skills they barely fit on a resume!

    Reply
    • Eki Shola

      Thank you taking the time to comment! Parenting involves every imaginable skill set known!