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I Want to Poop Alone

https://www.flickr.com/photos/mrwynd/3714153689/in/photolist

Everyday about half way through my morning coffee I feel my bowels shift as they get ready for their big movement of the day.

I wait for the perfect amount of urgency so I won’t have to spend too much time on the toilet (I do have a toddler, after all). Once it hits I have under 45 seconds to get to the bathroom, pull my pants down and sit, before I miss the window of opportunity to relieve myself in one quick trip.

I don’t have time to persuade my toddler to come along. And I usually don’t have to. Most days she follows me, eager to provide a spoonful of chaos into my bathroom experience.

This time was different.

I found myself alone, in almost complete silence, except for listening to a rhythmic “plop, plop.” Never did I think I would consider these sounds peaceful, but there I sat, taking in fumes from last night’s burrito, enjoying the closest thing I had to meditation in a long while. It was like the motherhood version of a “nature sounds” mp3 and I became lost in the moment. Was this heaven?

But I quickly snapped out of this elimination trance when I didn’t feel something drop down my pant leg. I panicked. If my toddler wasn’t testing my multitasking skills, where was she, and what was she into?

I wasn’t finished. I considered my options:

I could yell for her. Only to hear her respond by giggling in the next room, a sign that something is very wrong.

I could just stand up and waddle with my pants at my ankles like a pair of soft shackles. My living room has a large sliding glass door and the curtains are always drawn, so unless I wanted to wave hello to the lawn maintenance crew in an attempt to divert their stares from my unmaintained bits, this option was out.

Or I could accept the mess she was surely making as a fair price to pay for actually pooping alone. It took me less than a minute to decide this was my best option

So, I grunted away, and wiped without interruption. Washed my hands and turned around to dry them without my little one clinging to my leg. It was one of the most amazing and relaxing experiences I’ve had in the past two years.

I walked out to see my toddler standing on a chair pouring an entire box of cereal on the table and floor.

I actually cleaned it up with a smile on my face. I got to poop alone, which any mom will tell you is priceless. Or about $3 in cereal and 5 minutes of light cleaning.

It was totally worth it.

Navarre Overton is a stay-at-home mom to a toddler and two teens. When she isn’t dealing with emotional meltdowns, cleaning up messes, or trying to get some much-needed sleep, she is writing in her blog, Raising Revolution.

Photo: mrwynd

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Comments (1)

  1. Cindilou

    I am reading this while I enjoy a relaxing visit to the bathroom myself. The kids are suspiciously quiet in the other room…but I refuse to rush this moment.

    Reply