If you are a mother of identical twins, you get a lot of attention. With that attention comes curiosity from others about parenting twins.
My twins were adopted by us when they were preschoolers after being in the foster care system almost their entire short lives. I am open about the fact that my twins were adopted, but I don’t always feel like that piece of information is necessary to share with everyone.
I get a lot of twin questions when out and about, and it can be awkward answering some of them because I don’t have the experience of mothering twin babies and toddlers. I can’t relate to twin mothers talking about the trenches of twin babyhood and the exhaustion that comes with it; there is a whole other type of exhaustion that comes with trying to bond with two three year olds. I don’t think it’s a matter of harder, just different.
Here are some of the best odd twin questions I try to answer:
1) “I want to have identical twins when I am a mother. Can you try to have identical twins?”
My response: “You can try to have fraternal twins through IVF, but identical twins are random.”
My thoughts: The chances of adopting identical twins is probably rarer than becoming pregnant with identical twins.
2) “How did you get through sleepless nights with twins?”
My response: “They are great sleepers. It only took them a couple months before they were sleeping through the night.”
My thoughts: It took them only a couple of months when they came home to us at 3 years old.
3) “How far along were you when you found out you were pregnant with twins?”
My response: “We knew right away.”
My thoughts: They probably assume they were IVF babies with a response like that.
4) “I don’t think I could deal with all the diaper changing. How did you manage potty training?”
My response: “Potty training was really easy. It’s great to have no diapers to change now.”
My thoughts: Thank goodness they came to us potty trained, and I’m very grateful for those who helped them learn it.
And one that has been said when they know they were adopted: “That’s great that you didn’t have to go through the potty training or sleep training because having twins when they are babies seems so hard.”
My response: “I probably would have gone crazy having four children under three at the same time with all those diapers and no sleep.”
My thoughts: Yes, it has been easier not to parent those challenging stages, but I mourn for the times I didn’t get to share with my children. The times I didn’t get to comfort or protect them in their early years.
I never imagined I would be a mother of twins. At times, because of infertility, I thought it might be possible I would never have any children at all. Their journey into my heart and home is a story that still unfolds. I sometimes don’t have the words to share the incredible joy and love they bring to our family.
I am blessed beyond measure to have the privilege of being a mother to twins. It’s a different story than most other families of twins. While their early childhood had challenges, it has had a part in shaping them into the marvelous little human beings they are today.
Rebekah shares about cherishing the light of childhood through play and love at The Golden Gleam. She isn’t afraid of making a mess and she can often be found with dirt under her fingernails from gardening, splatters of paint on her clothes from crafting and flour dusted in her hair from baking. Follow her family’s daily adventures on Instagram, and find inspiration to light up your family’s life over at Pinterest.